As part of my school I have to do quite a bit of homework. Besides the papers and book reports, I have to do a weekly journal. In this journal I have to do several assignments. One of those assignments is to to summarize the week of lecture. This week we had teaching by Eric and Lisa Spady on: Things that hinder us in love.
Emotions are always neutral; it’s what you do with them that makes them positive or negative. Anger is the number one cause of depression. Women beat themselves up, men beat stuff up. In counseling, let them be angry. Forgiveness isn’t difficult if they are allowed to express the pain. God wants to know how we feel. He loves brutal honesty. That is what He calls intimacy, (expressing) and anger is a form of intimacy.
When you are dealing with trauma be aware that you can divide trauma in two different categories. A-trauma: absence of good things. B-trauma: bad things.
In A-trauma, people experience a lack of something and they wonder ‘why would I gain this in the future when I never had it in the past?’ In B-trauma people experience a bad thing that they can’t escape. The bad thing about that is that often they face it alone and this makes it more traumatizing. When you are traumatized, you will escape. You go in “survival brain mode.” Your brain will only function with the basics. You will shut off: feelings, relationships, worship, art, and beauty. The “survival brain” works on past experiences. Being stressed or overwhelmed can also make your brain go to “survival mode”. When God is trying to communicate with you, you won’t hear or feel Him. That doesn’t mean He isn’t there. Especially when stressed, feelings come and go. When you feel there is too much going on and you “can’t do it,” you will feel like a failure. When you feel like a failure, you get angry or frustrated. Then comes the blame. This cycle is driven by shame: I am not enough.
You are doing too much if you can’t stop. Ask yourself: What do I need? What is missing in my life? Knowing what you need will reduce the stress. Learn how to waste time, how much time do you need for yourself? Spend two hours of the week on something you enjoy. God will volunteer to meet all your needs, full time. But He meets your needs in His way. Most stress is related to control, so when you are in a situation which is out of your control, accept the situation and receive. Beauty will make you feel life is manageable.