Part II: the Tiller

The reason I needed counseling was really just for someone to teach me to forgive. My concept of forgiveness changed quite a bit in the past few years and it has become one of my dearest treasures. I cannot imagine a more beautiful gift! Jesus gave us everything when He freed us to forgive.

I think my old idea about forgiveness was that it was just for the big stuff. Forgiveness was like a big carving knife saved only for digging out the big, intentional crimes. The little stuff like everyday annoyances, not feeling heard, feeling a little left out…. these should be reasoned away. “Of course they didn’t mean it like that.”

While this seems like a nice way to believe the best about others, it really didn’t allow me to learn the art of walking in every day forgiveness. If I deny every small hurt, every little offense and annoyance, if I make excuses for why I shouldn’t feel, I deny myself the power of forgiveness. I want to be un-offendable, but in the process of getting there, I got offended sometimes. I got my feelings hurt. I did not admit it though, because I used my head to reason away what my heart was feeling.

Believe it or not, these little grievances I reasoned away did not magically disappear when I stuffed them. The blood of Jesus does make things supernaturally disappear but my head is not that powerful and I was left with years of little things that had stacked up and up and up. It made me cynical in many ways; it manifested in bitterness and gossip toward certain people or groups, and it even affected my body. Bitterness really is like poison; I have felt it in my bones.

I am well aware that I have had a very easy life, so for years I resisted needing any help at all. I compared myself to others who had suffered terrible trauma and abuse, and I deemed myself unworthy. My friend who has a counseling ministry pulled me into her office and basically forced me to start looking at my recurring issues and then she helped me identify bad roots and get rid of them. In the middle of it, I definitely thought this would become a lifestyle of allowing an issue (whatever that word means) to surface, identifying it and dealing with it. This seemed like an endless cycle and I was frequently overwhelmed by how unhealthy and messed up I was.

Then one day it hit me: I had pulled up all the deeply-rooted weeds and now I was looking at a big empty field of fertile soil. I am sure that people will hurt me in the future and I will deal with those hurts as they come, but when I look back at the past, I don’t see anyone I need to forgive. I am not living in the consequences of my sins. This is freedom! And I believe this is why Jesus died on the cross for my sins!

Forgiveness is the tiller that has turned over the soil of my soul again and again and again. Hj and I start each day by sitting down together and asking each other honestly, “What do you need to forgive me for?” At the end of the day, we pray with our kids, “God, is there anyone I need to forgive?” And every night we say thank you to Jesus who made a way for us not only to forgive, but to have all our sins forgiven.

In this fertile ground, the seeds of the Spirit will thrive and bear fruit.

Part 1: The Fruit

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

You know those coloring pages from Sunday school that had a big bowl of fruit and the fruit had smiley faces and the grapes were goodness and the apples were joy and the peaches were peace? I think that’s where I developed my understanding of the fruit of the Spirit, because I have always thought of those fruits as being handed to me fully mature.

Recently, I have been thinking about the seeds of the fruit of the Spirit.

It started at the beginning of the year when I asked the Lord about what type of things we were gonna be doing together this year. He does not always indulge this information, but I still like to ask.

I did have a deep sense that I was to let the ground rest. The past few years have been non-stop tilling the soil of the soul for me. I’ve been good at digging deep and being thorough in the process of turning over the hard ground. But you know what happened before the Great Depression, right? They didn’t let the ground rest, and they killed the land.

So this is my year to let the ground rest. I felt like the command to let the ground rest came attached to the promise: the fruit of the Spirit will flourish. That’s when I started to realize that the fruit of the Spirit doesn’t necessarily come to us in a cornucopia of maturity. Maybe we are handed a seed catalog?

What if tiny seeds of love and joy and peace are put in our hands and we get to cultivate the ground they will be planted in? What if we get to watch those seeds die in the dark soil, then water and watch them sprout? What if we get to see tiny apple seeds grow into a trembling sapling and then get sturdier and stronger with wind and rain and finally, little blossoms that turn into fruit? What if that is the fruit of the Spirit: the fruit of our planting and cultivating and weeding and yet, the fruit of a supernatural germination process that has nothing to do with us?

I have been waking early every morning and pondering how I am to make the fruit of the Spirit flourish in my life. As a very religious person, I like the process of tilling the soil and getting rid of the weeds in my heart. I prefer the constant toiling and watering and weeding. But I think my fruit trees are saplings now, and they need the wind and the rain and the sun and I am not in charge of the Wind and the Rain and the Light. This is my time to surrender, and let it all flourish. I have done my tilling with diligence and now I can watch the miracle of new growth; my hands are off. The little buds are pushing out, and I’m not even trying!

On a blanket under the trees, I see myself looking up into the sky. The trees are there, the fruit is budding, but I am lost in wonder at the brilliance of a Creator and Sustainer who works so perfectly with us, and yet without us.

Middle-aged and loving it

(I wrote this mid-2018 and apparently forgot to post it.  It’s fine, because it’s truer now.)

I’m not on Facebook and I don’t read many blogs so I’m not sure what the hot topics of discussion are nowadays on the world wide web.

In real life, I’ve been in a lot of conversations about dreams and their interpretations because I have a friend who is really into that.  Plus I just completed a Bible study on the book of Daniel so we dove into some weird dreams.

On our campus, we have been in an ongoing discussion about sexual identity.  It’s been hard and sad and really good.  Surely other churches and organizations are having these hard and good conversations too.  If you’re not, now is a good time to start.

Hj and I have been talking about money a good bit.  Friendly chit chat, you know.

This morning I went to IHOP with a friend who is 69 years old and we talked about the vision and mission statement of her life, which she’s been working on writing down.  We talked about the new Supreme Court justice too.  She told me she remembers when coffee was 20 cents a cup.

One thing I haven’t been talking about out loud lately is what it’s like to be middle aged.  Being young was very exciting to me.  I loved the feeling of having my whole life ahead of me, lots of discoveries and changes to look forward to.  I’ve always been pretty eager to be old and wise, but never looked forward to the boring part in the middle, appropriately known as “middle-aged.”

Now that I am in the beginning stages, I have found it much more interesting than I expected.  I feel like it might be the best of both worlds: young people respect me and old people take me seriously.  It’s perfect!  (I don’t know if young people actually respect me because they tend to hide those feelings so I’m basing that one on some assumptions/hopes haha.)

Some days I laugh because I feel so unprepared for the middle-aged temptations.  I just want to settle down with a big house and a beautiful backyard and have a pristine bathroom.  I want to have the same friends for the rest of my life, and never move again.  I want my kids to go to the same school for 18 years and never have to deal with change.  The American Dream seems pretty appealing, and that’s coming from someone who has scoffed at the very notion for 31 years.  These are my temptations! I just want to be comfortable and never have to think about money.

The other day we went to a friend’s really nice house and on the way home Hj confessed he had lusted after their big plastic storage bench under the deck.  It was right next to the pool, and it held all their swimming paraphernalia.  It seemed an absurd and funny thing to covet, but I understood, especially since we keep all our swimming paraphernalia in a canvas bag that really doesn’t have a final resting place.

You couldn’t have convinced Hj and I when we got married that we would ever dream of living an easy life.  We wanted to give our lives for Jesus in missions, be martyrs, live in huts, whatever He asked.  We moved every year or so, selling pretty much everything we had each time.  We had a fast turnover of friends.

Having two babies and turning 30 did the trick for us.  All of a sudden we wanted old things that felt familiar.  We didn’t want to travel or go on exciting adventures anymore.  We wanted to have a stable, small life full of routines and predictability.  We wanted old friendships that had been weathered and strengthened by lots of time, adversities and birthday parties.

I’m embracing some settling.  I’m grateful for at least a few deep roots.  I had to confess to my friend last week that I had semi-lied, and even though I felt silly, I didn’t care so much about what she thought of me.  I’ve learned to value and cultivate healthy friendships and I’m learning how to confront people about their issues instead of gossip, thanks to a friend who is really good at this and even takes the time to teach me how.  That takes a kind of self forgetfulness that I think we middle agers should be keen to embrace.  By now surely we can stop obsessing about our own successes  and failures and give it all away, live with an open hand and an open heart.

We can be humble enough by now to freely ask for advice, and listen to older people. We’ve discovered that we don’t know everything after all, but we can count as precious what we do know!  We can take what wisdom we have in our bucket and pour it liberally on the next generation, on the children and young people in our lives.

Sometimes I find myself telling people in the checkout line stories about myself, when I was younger!  This is the real sign that I am getting old and embracing it.

A Very Normal Day

Do you ever have those days that are rough around the edges, no matter how hard you try to smooth them out and make them better? I had one of those recently. Actually, it was today.

It started with a couple of snooze buttons. I usually pop out of bed at 5:00 six days a week, but today I snoozed more than once. I was feeling a little unprepared for this afternoon’s math exam so I dove into studying as soon as I was up, even though God says, “Seek Me first.”

I barely had time to stuff an egg sandwich in my mouth before I headed out the door for school, but lo and behold there was half an inch of ice on my windshield and I couldn’t find the scraper. I chipped away at it with a dustpan until I had a tiny peephole.

My 8:00 English class wasn’t fun. It’s hard to be 33 years old and trying to learn how to write a thesis and develop an argument when you have practiced keeping your opinions tucked in and not arguing for your whole life. I get tired of feeling incompetent so much, especially since incompetence is one of my least favorite feelings.

I skipped history class and went to Ellie’s poetry recital at her school. This was a sweet, bright spot in my day. Ellie recited “Now We Are Six,” by A.A. Milne which cousin Rachel taught her on her 6th birthday in NYC this year. She was just perfect!

I went back to college for my math exam and I wasn’t sure if the answer was dispersion or distribution, but I did my best. At least now I understand what it means when people say that their kid is in the 90th percentile for height. That always made me scratch my head, but no more.

A guy in my class asked me if I was ok because my teeth were bloody. I have no idea why, but they were. I went down the back staircase and I met a guy holding a ladder. He was very polite and made room for me, and I said cheerfully, “Excuse us!” There was no one else around.

I went to the wrong parking lot in the freezing cold, because I forgot where I had parked.

So I stopped for ice cream on the way home but there was construction and terrible traffic and a big fence right across the shortcut I usually take. The drive thru took long and my ice cream was literally warm when I drank it.

I came home and quickly swept the floors because friends were coming over for tea, which was another very warm spot in my day. One of my kids bit the other and then lied about it. So we bundled up nice and warm and went out to play in 33 degrees. Adam made baby Jesus in a manger out of the leftover snow and Ellie climbed a tree. Some students came outside to hug the kids and they made me laugh. The sunset over Pikes Peak was just perfect.

We ate dinner in the dining room, and the mashed potatoes were surprisingly cold. But the meat was good. I have a big research paper to write and a speech to practice and a rhetorical analysis to polish, but I thought it would be good to complain a little and get it out of my system before I tackle my homework.

Truthfully, I feel a lot better now. A day with minor inconveniences and small embarrassments just keeps life interesting and fun.

A New (Little) Addition

Exciting news! We have been living in two hotel rooms for about four years now, and the time has come for us to expand. The housing team on our campus offered us the empty room next to our living room and when they offered an inch, we suggested a mile. We asked if we can take out the wall and make a bigger living room and a small bedroom for the kids and we will even get a large closet! A closet to me, is like a Ferrari to you.

We had seriously considered buying a house here in the Springs, but when we prayed and fasted about it, the proverbial door slammed shut. Now we get to stay in the rooms where we have already made lots of improvements and built a kitchenette, plus we will enjoy the luxury of more space and finally our kids will have their own bedroom. They cannot fathom this arrangement, but we their parents definitely can.

We are praying and asking around to see if anyone with construction skills wants a free trip to Colorado in December. We might throw in some food. A ski day could even be arranged!

Talking to the phone

I rarely, rarely talk on the phone.  Not to my mom, not to my sister or cousins or friends.  Basically the only people I talk to on the phone are my physician, dentist and optometrist.  Sometimes when people lock themselves out of the old hotel we live in, they might call in desperation to be rescued, but that’s about it.

The thing I have discovered this year is that I can now talk TO my phone.  This has been a life-changing discovery for me!  I have an iPhone (I don’t know which one).  It’s actually falling apart glass chunk by glass chunk right now, but I can still talk to it and it still listens to me.

My phone is young enough to have Siri, so I just tell her stuff all day long and she writes it down for me and I don’t even have to take my hands out of the sudsy water.  I don’t have a dishwasher, so my hands are in the sudsy water a lot.

When I’m cooking dinner and I use up the last of the olive oil, I say, “Hey Siri, add olive oil to my grocery list.”  And she has been trained to obey every single time without back-talk, which is refreshing.  She always says, “Ok, I added it.”  

Most often I ask her to remind me of things, and did you know I can have her remind me at a certain time or a certain place?  So when I’m driving down the road and see the fuel in our van is getting low, I tell Siri, “Hey girl, remind me to get fuel when I’m at the King Soopers on Centennial” since that is where we get our fuel.  And she does it! She reminded me when I was in the parking lot later that day.  

I say things like, “Set my alarm every weekday for 6:00 in the morning.”  Or “Remind me to pray for Christy every day at 3:00.”  Then I don’t mark it completed until I’ve actually prayed for Christy.  Talking to your phone can be so useful; I’m sure I’m still only discovering all the things it can do for me.  I write down all my dreams in a folder on my phone titled “Dreams and Visions.”  Since I discovered voice-to-text, I just recall my dreams out loud while I’m brushing my hair in the morning, and Siri writes them all down for me in the correct folder.  

I don’t often sing the praises of my phone, but today I thought I should since I’ve come to appreciate its prompt obedience to my every command.  It frees up brain space for me so I can remember more important stuff, like how to train my children about prompt obedience to my every command. 😉


For the past year and a half, my friend and I have been pioneering a ministry here in our city.  We go to places that are fronts for prostitution and human trafficking, and try to make connections with the women who work there.  It has been a long, sometimes grueling process of much prayer, research, networking, trying to grasp the issue so that we can create a strategy to help and bring Jesus to them.
Last week, two of my friends and I took our kids (eleven of them in total!) to one of these places where there were some friendly Thai women who seemed open to getting to know us more.  We gathered on Tuesday morning and listened to a worship song with the kids, then we prayed and asked God how He would like us to bless our new friends.
I took notes on my phone and I chuckled through some of them.  One of the little boys got a picture of Minecraft while he was listening to God, and his mom wisely told him he should maybe pray into that a little more and ask God what it means.
Almost all the kids got a word or picture from the Lord, and by the time we went around the circle, we could see that God was saying something to us about a birthday.  My friend had just had two dreams that week about eating birthday cake, and she felt God telling her to take a birthday gift along on our visit.
We loaded up in our three minivans and drove to Costco.  I picked out a huge cake that said “Happy Birthday!” and we drove across town, praying that we heard right about what we were supposed to do.
On the way, Ellie said, “Mom, I saw a picture when we were praying.”  Ellie was in and out of our prayer time earlier, so I hadn’t even asked her if she had heard anything from the Lord.  She is just 4, and I only told her that we were going to visit a friend.  She tends to carry the weight of the world on her little shoulders anyway, so I’m trying to keep her life carefree as long as I can.
I asked what this picture was that she saw when we were praying, and she said, “Mom, I saw these ladies standing in a row next to God and Jesus and they were all blind.  Then they looked up and saw beautiful golden heaven that was sparkling, and they saw angels. The angels said, ‘Surely goodness and mercy shall follow you all the days of your life!’ and then the ladies said it back to the angels and God looked over at them and they could see perfectly!”  One of the other kids in the car with us told Ellie she should share it with the women she was about to meet, but Ellie wasn’t interested.  She claimed she was much too shy for that.
Well, we descended upon this massage parlor, all 3 mamas and 11 kids armed with a giant birthday cake, flowers, paintings and a little gift bag with some earrings from Kairos Traders.  We were met at the door by Miss Jan (not her real name) who ushered us into a tiny room like a closet where we were pretty much stacked on top of one another.  “Who’s having a birthday?” my friend asked.  And Miss Jan said, “Me! My birthday was yesterday! How did you know?” Her eyes grew wide when we put the cake on the table.  We explained to her that God cared for her enough to tell us it was her birthday, and she kept pointing to her arm saying, “Goosebumps!”  The children shrieked unabashedly and showered her with hugs.  She kept telling us how lucky we were to catch her, since she is the owner of the massage parlor and was only there for a few  minutes that morning to check on things.
We had a grand time, singing happy birthday and blowing out the candles and then cutting the cake and passing it around to everyone while we got to know each other a little.  Before we left, the kids took turns laying hands on her and praying for her.  At one point, my friend looked up and said, “I feel like God wants me to tell you, ‘Goodness and mercy shall follow you.”  My little girl Ellie leapt up off the bed she was sitting on and said, “God told me that same thing!”  And she told Miss Jan the whole thing in a loud, clear voice while Miss Jan looked both astonished and teary.
As we drove home, Ellie kept marveling over the fact that even though Miss Jan does not know God, He knows her very well and He wants her to get to know Him.  We are praying for her every day, and hoping to start a Bible study with her and her friends so that they can get to know the Jesus who loves and cares for them.

Sorry I’ve been busy

My number one rule of blogging is to never start a blog post with: “Sorry I haven’t blogged in awhile; I’ve been soooo busy.”

My number one rule of conversation is to never say, “I’ve been soooo busy lately.”  Sometimes I dip into dark water and talk about my life being full, though.

My number one rule of parenting is to never be in a hurry.

I don’t know if these are actually my number one rules of anything, but they are high priorities.  It’s good for me to write them down, so as to remind myself.

Last week Ellie and I were walking outside, and she held my hand and said, “Why does everyone always need you?”  She is quite intuitive, but I wasn’t sure what she meant so I asked for an example.  She launched into a story about people knocking on our door a lot and someone asking for cupcake pans.

It made me realize it has been awhile since I’ve done a “yes week” where I say yes to my kids and no to everything else.  This time it was harder than I anticipated, and today I feel a little restless.  I feel middle-aged too, because it feels like a discipline to play games on the floor, to hang out at the pool for hours without accomplishing any work on the side.

Monday morning I said they could pick a fun thing to do and Ellie chose Trader Joe’s.  She got her own miniature cart, she looked for the stuffed giraffe hidden in the store so she could claim her lollipop, and she sampled the peach jam and watermelon juice.  I even let her pick out a treat and she chose various flavors of extra creamy yogurt.

Last night we went to a baseball game with friends.  We didn’t last through very many innings, since baseball is not an overly exciting sport to watch unless you are “very American,” as my husband says.

I’m not here for anything important, just saying hello.

Hj spends his free evenings recording his Dutch radio show or working for Kairos Traders online.  He has a good excuse for not showing up here more often.

Lisa Bevere came and shared with the ladies of our campus the other day.  She talked a lot about the importance of writing down what God is saying and doing, recording our visions and dreams and then working towards them.  When she was young and wished for a mentor, she wrote down everything she wished a mentor would say to her.  She wrote down how she wished a spiritual mother would treat her, and challenge her.  Then she took the things she had written, found a young girl and applied all the things she had written.  She called it living backwards or something like that.

I believe in theory in the importance of writing things down, but actually making the time and space to do it requires some steadfastness.

Steadfastness is not my natural bent, but this year has been all about learning to do things I’m not naturally good at.  Watch me grow!


We Went to Holland

and France and Belgium and Switzerland and Luxembourg, with a dash of London thrown in by mistake.  It was so wonderful to see Hj’s family again and introduce Ellie and Adam to the Holland they have heard so much about.


We missed our flight in Denver so we got to sit in the airport and wait for 13 hours before starting our 8-hour flight.  It was a long day, as I recall, but I try not to recall.  I know we ran out of snacks early on.

Adam turned 3 while we were in Holland, and Hj turned 30.  Hj’s parents celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary as well, so there was plenty of cause for celebration.  We spent a fun weekend at Disneyland Paris with the whole family, before Hj and I took our kids on a  little road trip.




We spent a night in France at a YWAM base with our friend who is like family, Allison.  We spent another lovely day and night in Switzerland with more beautiful friends that YWAM has allowed us to meet.

We’re so glad we didn’t miss the beautiful country of Luxembourg, where we stayed in a castle and visited an art gallery.  The countryside was green and lush and moist and refreshed our souls.  After a few years of living in the desert of Colorado, a rainy day feels like such a novelty to me.



We got to spend time with both of Hj’s grandparents.  We did the Easter egg hunt in Opa Fousert’s green yard among the tulips and daffodils, being careful not to fall into the canal. We made some sweet memories with all the generations together, sharing tea and cookies and memories from the past.



We loved all the special times we had with Hj’s family.  We packed a lot into 2 weeks, but we saw everyone we wanted to see, we ate everything Hj had dreamed of, and we visited all the spots ew really wanted to see.  Here Ellie is riding to the train station on the back of her cousin’s bike.  We took the train to the Hague for Adam’s birthday, and visited a children’s book museum.

Hj’s granddad gave Adam a harmonica for his birthday.


I hope you can see beyond the jetlag and culture shock of the Amish woman in the photo below.  It doesn’t look like it, but I was having the time of my life!  I shared with over 400 Dutch young people about growing up Mennonite, marrying a Dutch guy and about the goodness and faithfulness of the Lord in my life.  To be honest, I preached a little.

The next day, a photographer came and took pictures of me in the park by Hj’s former home, right next to his old school.  At one point, I remember seeing faces crowded around the windows.  I suppose not every day an Amish woman is being photographed outside the schoolhouse windows.

Year’s End

Our fall was busy, and I don’t use that word lightly.  In fact, I hate the word “busy” and I try to avoid using it whenever possible.  I prefer to say I have a full life, but even that is starting to get a dark tone to it.  Constantly being busy shrivels my soul like no other, so I usually work hard to make time for pausing, reflecting, and being quiet.  It feels like swimming upstream sometimes, but I think I’m learning to feed my soul and spirit more than drive-thru fast food.  I discovered, though, that I am better at short bursts of very busy with white space in between than I am at constantly being sort of busy.  That’s kind of unrealistic, isn’t it?

God did set up creation to rotate through days and nights, seasons of harvest and seasons of rest.  I think that is the thing I am trying to learn, to find the rhythms that bring fruitfulness and peace.

This fall we had about 100 students join the already 150 full-time staff here, and that’s not counting all the kids.  We are at max capacity in this building.  God has been speaking to our leaders the past few years about building systems and roots that can hold more people, so it is a blessing to see the fulfillment of that word.  Hj and I led the business track of our DTS this quarter.  We had 5 students, who are in the lecture phase of their discipleship school.  Most of the time they were with the other 50 students in DTS, but we had several hours a week with them.  They got introduced to what business as mission (BAM) is, we took them on a number of field trips to local businesses, and they were instrumental in launching a fair trade store here on our campus.  They left this week for several months abroad, putting into practice all that they have learned the past three months here in Colorado.

Hj is helping several businesses in the 10/40 window establish an online presence through website and social media.  It’s a challenging job without ever having visited these businesses, but he is planning a trip next year to several countries where he can meet the business owners, as well as create and gather the content he needs.  Hj has committed to another year at the coffeehouse.  It has been a year of explosive growth at Kairos and with it, of course, growing pains and challenges.  We are sending 3 employees to do a discipleship training school with YWAM this year.  If I didn’t believe it before, this year has confirmed my belief that one of the most effective ways to invite people into the family of God is to hire them.  Especially here, our employees rub shoulders every day with young people who are passionate about following Jesus and they can’t help but be drawn into the story of what God is doing.

For almost a year, my friend and I have been going to the places in our city where prostitutes work because of a dream she had in which God told her to go every week and to take me along.  During the summer, we had 4 interns who went with us every week, but this fall it was just the two of us.  For security reasons there are a lot of things I can’t say on this platform, but God has led us one step at a time into a deep love and commitment to these women and introducing them to Jesus.  In January, we will officially launch this new ministry in YWAM and I will spend a few months doing nothing but research and prayer on many different fronts so that we can wage a strategic war on prostitution in our city.  We will seek to find out the biggest needs of the women we love, and working with law enforcement, politicians and spiritual leaders to understand what are the spiritual and legal strongholds we can work with or against.

During this time, Hj will be working in a three-month counseling course that is specifically focused on helping refugees.  He will be staffing the course, which means he will sit in on the classes, run the finances and mentor several of the students personally.  There has been great interest in this course, and they have accepted about 20 students so far.  We are excited, because they are coming from all parts of the world to learn how they can make a lasting impact in the global refugee crisis.

As you might know (or maybe you forgot), we live on the generous donations of our friends and family in order to be able to do missions.  We cannot be paid for any work we do with YWAM, but we are blessed with extremely generous families and friends who support us monthly and a church family who loves us and prays for us so faithfully.

There are so many wonderful places to invest your money this holiday season, but if God lays on your heart to give toward our mission, here is the link to give, for a tax-deductible receipt.